I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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