no, he came in my armpit
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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