You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
