You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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