im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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