Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
