I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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