So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
