I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
