Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
