dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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