There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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