Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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