woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
