I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
