we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
