Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When did angry sex become our thing?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
