it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
