first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You ruined the universe
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
