There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
