I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
