ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
