last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
