I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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