from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
