Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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