Who did Billy Mays play for?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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