in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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