i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it hurts more in the daytime
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
