i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
