HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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