I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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