It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize