I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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