We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
