You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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