I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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