Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
