you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
