Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it because I queefed?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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