**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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