If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
