this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
