You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
