Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
