And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize