Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
