She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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