He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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