Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
