Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
