oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm like, not good at living.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
