ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
