what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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