I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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