You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
