Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
