I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
