you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
