Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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